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Money Makes the World Go Round

Posted on February 7th, 2010

I had the distinct displeasure of having a conversation with my ex-husband the other day about money.

It’s interesting how money never entered the conversation while we were married but now that we’re divorced it’s all he wants to talk about.  Couldn’t get him to make or stick with a budget (hence the tens of thousands of dollars in debt) and now he wants talk me to death about it.

Anyway – the other day the subject came up about child and spousal support.  The question was . . . what would happen if he lost his job and couldn’t pay child support any longer?  What kind of back up plan did “I” have to cover HIS half of the expenses.

I asked him what HIS plan was but that didn’t fly so well.  So he went on to ask me again and again, until I told him that I wouldn’t have this conversation with him any longer.

More specifically I said, “thank you for registering your concerns.  I understand your point of view.  My financial plans are not yours and won’t continue to have this conversation with you any longer.”

Wish I could have drawn those boundaries with him when we were married!

“Thank you for telling me how disgusting I am.  I understand your point of view. The neighbor next door has been flirting with me for 2 weeks now, maybe I should investigate that option?”

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I Bought It on Ebay!

Posted on January 26th, 2010

My kids have been humming a song around the house these past couple of days. And then, out of the blue, YELLING – “I bought it on eBay!”

For the life of me I couldn’t figure out what they were singing. So they took me to the page and let me listen to Weird Al Yankovic singing.

Now I know I’m behind the times – cause the song was published on YouTube 3 YEARS ago! But it is cute – and I’ve sold on eBay

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When Do the Relationship Games Stop?

Posted on January 21st, 2010

I started thinking about some of the head games that both men and women play when they’re dating.  And it suddenly struck me that what I might call a head game, the other person may believe is accommodation.  That’s really not the right word – but it’s kind of what I mean.

Being authentic and transparent leaves you open for criticism and hurt.  So I’m finding that people, especially men, are more interested in accommodating their own feelings while trying to decipher yours.  This makes them manipulative without trying to be hurtful.

In other words, I don’t think people honestly are playing games (FOR THE MOST PART!) but are trying to protect themselves while determining if they are either interested in the other person or are trying to get out of a relationship without too much fuss or in your face confrontation.

For instance, I met this guy several weeks back . . . well, it may have been a couple of months actually.  We talked on the phone several times, emails back and forth and then decided to meet for coffee.  It was a 2 1/2 hour coffee filled with stimulating conversation, laughter and fun.  He gave me this big hug good bye and was gone.

Never to be heard from again.

Was he playing games?  Probably not.  He just didn’t want the confrontation of saying he wasn’t interested and wasn’t kind enough to use email to say the same thing.

The same thing happened this week.  We didn’t meet but had a great conversation on the phone.  He sent several emails expressing a real interest in meeting. I sent another email back that we could set up a meeting the following week?  And haven’t heard back from him in close to a week.

POOF!

I used to think that this type of behavior was people playing games to get what they want – and I do think that there are people playing games for a variety of reasons – but this kind of behavior I BELIEVE is just a result of not wanting any kind of confrontation AND having the luxury of ignoring technology (cells phones, email etc) to attain their goal.

Maybe they changed their mind.  Maybe they met someone else.  Or maybe they just aren’t all that in to me.  But either way you slice it the reality stays the same – and the outcome is the same.  The only thing that is different is me.

Filed under: Dating and Divorce | No Comments »