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Text, TXT, Fwd, Facebook, UGH

Posted on July 5th, 2010

I love my kids.  I happen to think that I have four of the best kids in the world.  But I’m guessing that a large percentage of parents probably think the same thing too.

However, there is one thing I just don’t understand and that is their affinity for technology.  It invades every little place in their lives.  They LOVE it.  They depend upon it.  They use it and they know HOW to use it.

I saw a preview the other day on the news about a study where they took the iTouch, cell phones and Facebook pages away from these kids for 2 weeks.  I didn’t get to see what happened but I’m assuming the kids didn’t die.

My kids think they would die, but I’m reasonably sure there isn’t a medical diagnosis  – Technitis or Cellophrapathy.  It won’t kill them but they think it will.  And, after all, the mind is a powerful thing.

Tonight my oldest son is playing CandyLand with his little sister.  He wanted to sit in front of the computer and check Facebook while rolling the dice and moving the pieces.  I insisted he didn’t.

We sit in the car and while having an intense conversation with me, my oldest daughter is texting her best friend.  I just stopped talking and told her that she can’t have two conversations at once.  When she was ready to talk with me then I was ready too.

And it isn’t just the teenagers.  Yesterday I was out for a walk and there was a dad playing catch with his 7 or 8 year old son in the front yard.  I smiled because it looked so sweet.

Until I saw the cell phone plastered to his ear and his son who couldn’t get his dad’s attention.  Is it worse to not show attention at all, or to give someone only half of your attention?  What shows less respect and communicates less about the other person?

I love what technology has afforded me.  Without it I couldn’t work at home, text my friends that I’ll be late (or early!), find my cousin in Arizona or type a quick IM to my sister throughout the day.  But – I don’t let it rule my life.

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Where do Single Parents Over 40 Find Dating or Life Partners?

Posted on January 13th, 2010

I’ve been lamenting this very question to my sister for months now.  My ex-husband is dating a woman who lives about 3 hours away who must be totally enamored with him.  They call and visit several times a week.  Lots of driving involved for these dates.

And I am glad for him.  He seems a bit happier and more interested in life.  He joined Match.com and voila! there was a match that worked for him.

Over three months ago I joined eHarmony and Plenty of Fish. I diligently communicated with numbers of men each day. I posted pictures that were close ups and were a very good likeness of me – make up, good hair, nice clothes.  And in three months I have actually had one pseudo-date.

He was nice.  We had a great 2 1/2 hour conversation at Starbucks. And he hugged me when he left. But no follow up.

Such is life.

So I asked my sister – who is happily married to the most wonderful man on this planet – where are all the over 40 single guys who want to date the over 40 single moms?

And she told me about a recent talk show segment she was watching.  The man being interviewed was a dating coach/expert.  The question that was posed was exactly that – where are the guys over 40?

His response: Guys over 40 are looking for younger women – youth and vigor.  HOWEVER, the reverse also seems to be true – that younger men are interested in the older, wiser woman. The host commented that although these younger men were interested in dating they weren’t marrying these women – just enjoying the relationships and moving along.  And the men didn’t have the life experiences that made them good companions.

What was this dating coaches answer?  How did he respond to the dismal prospects that face over 40 single parent women?

His answer: “Yes, you’re right.”

That was it.  No real answer or solution.  Just “yes”, it is true that the choices of over 40 women are men who can’t get beyond the face and figure or younger men who still have immediate and vivid memories of living home with mom and dad.

And then it hit me, once again.  I am waiting for a human answer to a very real human dilemma.  But I don’t depend on human answers – I depend on God’s answers.  So while the entire dating situation for those of us who are single moms over the age of 40 and no longer have rock solid abs or perky breasts, may be more challenging I know that with God, all things are possible.

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Found My Letter

Posted on December 2nd, 2009

Hmmmm, can’t remember if I mentioned “the letter” last week.  My ex had called and told me he was writing me a letter.  He “needed” to do it to get past all of the hurt from the divorce.

I thought it was probably some brain dump.  You know the ones – where you write the letter to someone but it is never intended for the other person to read.  It’s just so you can process the situation and get past it emotionally.

Then I began to wonder if it was a legal threat or something.  So during our vacation to my sister’s I asked him – in one of his many calls to the kids who weren’t picking up their own phones.  And I was right – brain dump – and he hadn’t even written it yet and was telling me about it.

Pretty sure it was one of his usual things – he tells me it’s done and then he doesn’t have to do it.  Like the time he told me about this great Valentines gift he had bought for me 2 weeks before Valentines Day.  And then he forgot Valentines all together.

But then I got home and there was a handwritten letter in the mailbox.  It was five pages long where he explained how he felt about his past and how I had been worked into that whole scenario.  And, as much as I knew that he felt the words when he wrote them, I had heard them all before.

It was the same apology that he had said many times in the years we were married.  It was just a bit different though.  Maybe a bit more sincerity.

I hope for his sake and the sake of his children he really is interested in being a better father.

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