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Making Plans for the Future

Posted on October 31st, 2008

A load has been lifted from my shoulders.  Just last night my soon-to-be-ex and I finalized the negotiation over all of our assets.  We finished deciding about parenting, finances, the house – everything.

I woke up this morning and it felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders!  I sent the paperwork to him last night via email for his final look over and then off to the attorney so he can make the papers final.

Then we sign and notarize and return to the attorney.  New papers will be drawn up for the court and a court date set.

At this point we both want it finished by the end of the year but it’s so late in the year that may not happen.

In the meantime, the kids seem to be better.  The dog is healthy.  And we are traveling for Thanksgiving.  At least for right now, this minute, life is calm and sweet.

I know more trials are on their way but with God – all things are possible.

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As A Struggling Single Parent . . .

Posted on October 28th, 2008

I remember a couple of years ago my sister sharing a scene played out on Desperate Housewives. (It’s just coincidence that I’m talking about television again!).  I was complaining about how hard it was to be a single parent while still married and she told me about this scene in the show when one of the characters runs away from her family.  Her friends find her that evening on a football field (I think).  She’s crying and beside herself because she feels like the only mom who can’t hold it together.

They reassure her that she isn’t the only one and that all moms suffer through this uncertainty and discouragement.  Her comment?  “Why don’t more moms talk about this?”

So today, I’m talking about it.

My teenage daughter is driving me over the edge.  I have four children but she is by far the most challenging to me.  I love her dearly.  I would never question how I feel about her.  But her attitude and behavior is enough to drive me NUTS.

These past months she has continued to get more challenging as she struggles to figure out exactly who she is.  Unfortunately, in her struggle she is uncommunicative, eye-rolling, sarcastic and just plain nasty.

I know that she’s just a teenager but living alone in this situation, when I homeschool the children and they all can’t stand their father, I feel like an island in a vast ocean.  She loves her friends, doesn’t recognize the number of times I take her places and will hardly sit at dinner with us anymore.  Her excuse?  It’s a good one – she’s doing homework.

She’s a diligent student and a great friend to her peers and brother – but our relationship continues to deteriorate.  It’s interesting because the things she hates about me are things she does herself.

The splinter she sees in me is so irritating to her because she carries a log.

Recognizing it and understanding it doesn’t make it any easier to live with though!

We’ll work it out.  I’ll have more patience.  And I’ll do a lot of praying.

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We’re a Team – Right?

Posted on October 27th, 2008

Since the time my children were little I emphasized to them that as a family we were a team.  If one of our team members was sick then we stayed to help.  If one team member won something, we all celebrated.

Of course, that sound so much better on paper than it was worked out in reality.  But the effort has been there.  And for the most part, in public, they are supportive and encouraging of each other.  Private has been another matter.

So the other day I’m flipping channels on television and ran into “The Starter Wife”.  It’s not a show I normally would watch but the scene that I stumbled into was the mother talking to her young daughter about how they were a team.

My ears perked up immediately.

She was telling her daughter that because they were team members they didn’t expect rewards when they did things for each other.  So when the daughter helped with dinner (not sure if that was the actual example – it was late) she didn’t get rewarded; any more than the mother did when she helped her daughter with homework.

The next morning I sat my little chitlins down at the kitchen table and proceeded to use the same lines with them.  (I love it when I get something I can actually use from television – recipes and food ideas not withstanding).  And this time they actually seemed to understand.

It was a revelation for me.  They got it!  And they made suggestions.  If they didn’t get the dishes done they said I shouldn’t get up and do them – I should just keep writing.  But, we couldn’t go to bed with dishes in the sink – so what’s the answer?

They suggested that they just be made to stay up until the dishes are done.  Yeah – RIGHT!  I may have been born at night but it wasn’t LAST night!  They would put off dishes until mid-night every night just to stay up and play around on the computer or watch television.

So I said that while they were thinking and understanding my predicament that it was easier for me to get up and do the 15 minutes of dishes instead of hounding them – and then just ground them from the computer and television for 24 hours.  And since this was all about me after all, I would do what was easiest for me.

They may not get it right the first time but they do get it right – and they are learning that we are in this together.

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