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When Do the Relationship Games Stop?

I started thinking about some of the head games that both men and women play when they’re dating.  And it suddenly struck me that what I might call a head game, the other person may believe is accommodation.  That’s really not the right word – but it’s kind of what I mean.

Being authentic and transparent leaves you open for criticism and hurt.  So I’m finding that people, especially men, are more interested in accommodating their own feelings while trying to decipher yours.  This makes them manipulative without trying to be hurtful.

In other words, I don’t think people honestly are playing games (FOR THE MOST PART!) but are trying to protect themselves while determining if they are either interested in the other person or are trying to get out of a relationship without too much fuss or in your face confrontation.

For instance, I met this guy several weeks back . . . well, it may have been a couple of months actually.  We talked on the phone several times, emails back and forth and then decided to meet for coffee.  It was a 2 1/2 hour coffee filled with stimulating conversation, laughter and fun.  He gave me this big hug good bye and was gone.

Never to be heard from again.

Was he playing games?  Probably not.  He just didn’t want the confrontation of saying he wasn’t interested and wasn’t kind enough to use email to say the same thing.

The same thing happened this week.  We didn’t meet but had a great conversation on the phone.  He sent several emails expressing a real interest in meeting. I sent another email back that we could set up a meeting the following week?  And haven’t heard back from him in close to a week.

POOF!

I used to think that this type of behavior was people playing games to get what they want – and I do think that there are people playing games for a variety of reasons – but this kind of behavior I BELIEVE is just a result of not wanting any kind of confrontation AND having the luxury of ignoring technology (cells phones, email etc) to attain their goal.

Maybe they changed their mind.  Maybe they met someone else.  Or maybe they just aren’t all that in to me.  But either way you slice it the reality stays the same – and the outcome is the same.  The only thing that is different is me.

Filed under: Dating and Divorce

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