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About
Hi! Vanessa here. I’m newly separated and seeking a divorce. That still sounds too weird to me.
I wanted a way to express my feelings and what was happening to me. Like a diary. But something that might help other women who find themselves in the same position.
I was married for 20 years to the same man and have four children. After 20 years (about 2 of which were happy) I decided I didn’t need to be treated with disrespect and abuse any longer. So I asked him to leave.
This is my journal of my life, rasing four children, going through the divorce and reconciling my Christian faith with the reality of the divorce.
EDIT: June 2010. I’ve been divorced for almost a full year now. It took almost 12 months to finalize the documents because the ex wanted to fight for the children – giving them up easily in exchange for less spousal support. I continue to grow and learn as God holds my hand through the process.
THANK YOU to all who leave their comments here.
6 Responses to “About”
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January 3rd, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Vanessa, Im so glad that you have created this site. For so long Ive felt like an out cast. I try not to always bring up the divorce among friends in hopes to not bring the group down. Its so refreshing to know that there are others out there that are stuggeling just as I am.
February 23rd, 2010 at 10:46 am
Vanessa,
I just went back to your very first entry of 2008. I plan on reading and catching up. I want to say “thank you” for creating this blog. I’m not divorced or even seperated.. yet. But like you, I have an eminant feeling that it’s in my future. The hurdle for me is my kids and my financial ability to take care of them myself. I am a Christian and have been married over twenty years also. I feel like this may be a crystal ball into what may be ahead for me. It’s been so hard for me to find someone else in the same situation.
March 28th, 2010 at 6:42 am
Vanessa,
My wife walked out on me Jan 16th of 2010 after 23 years. She left me a note saying she had fallen in love with an old boyfriend and was moving out. I found your blog and am grateful. I have been back over your posts for the past few years and see the progress in healing you have made and this gives me hope. My focus now is on my daughter who I want to raise as a godly child and to take care of her the best I can. I hope you keep this blog going. It helps. God bless. Lamentations 3:31-33
June 21st, 2010 at 1:49 pm
THANK you! I have been married about 16 years to a porn addict who has become increasingly verbally abusive over the past year. I have been struggling with feeling like God has called me to leave this marriage. I read through all your blog entries, and was (comfortingly) surprised that you had experienced the same thing. I know that Scripture says that God hates divorce- but I am realizing that He does love ME, and that I am more important than a piece of paper- which is all the marriage is right now.
June 27th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I am one past divorce and getting stronger. I will caution you about site dating. There are many predators there. Make sure you are healthy first. If you stayed in an abusive marriage for 20yrs, as I did for 16, chances are you need to make sure you can make good choices now.I have discovered a very helpful site called Luke17:3ministries when dealing with abusers. My ex continues to try abuse tactics with me. I do have peace through strict boundaries. God Bless All of you who have to struggle but God gives peace, power and protection.
June 28th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Thanks for sharing that resource Lisa! I feel blessed to have separated myself over the last 3 years of my marriage while I waited for God to tell me when to leave. I learned a lot about myself, how to set boundaries and how make it through the divorce. Those lessons held true for me while fighting for custody of the kids. I’ve heard a lot about those dating sites, and I thank you for the added warning. It is good to remember that when we meet people in person or online – even though we meet face to face, or our friends know someone, there are always pieces of your life that can be hidden from others. My friends never knew what our home life was like – he is a model citizen.